Since the 1990's heady prosperous days when helicopter parenting was in style, many parents today have become wary of over parenting. Parents nowadays search for signs indicating whether or not they have become prone to that practice. If indeed they have here are some steps they can take to quit hyper parenting once and for all.
The Importance of Setting Limits Upon Parenting
For some parents it may be hard to realize or admit that the way they parent is problematic. Sometimes, helicopter parenting is viewed more favorably than other forms of parenting, particularly by teachers and school administrators. After all, parents being overly involved with their children are considered better than parents being neglectful of them.
However, a limit towards this attentiveness has to be established, otherwise various negative consequences can occur physically and psychologically upon over parented children. Because of its nature, helicopter parenting is oftentimes difficult to detect, due to the wide category of actions it encompasses. Some parents prone to over parenting may engage in some actions characteristic of it while others may engage in many.
One common factor underlying these actions, however, is an overwhelming sense of parental fear and anxiety towards children's well-being, resulting in them wanting to be excessively helpful and/or pleasing towards their kids.
Some Tips for Quitting the Helicopter Style of Parenting
Parents who don't want to over parent can read these few suggestions for quitting it:
- Avoid becoming over indulged with watching too many sensational news stories about child abductions and/or deaths/injuries, especially if this exacerbates parental fears and anxieties.
- The next time a child faces an issue/problem in life, step back and allow him/her to solve it first; if the child requests it then parents can provide helpful advice but they should not try to take over in solving the issue/problem.
- Keep a log recording the number of times the child is called each day; also record what the purpose of each call is. If the calls are excessive, try to minimize them to when parental help/advice/consolation becomes absolutely necessary.
- Also keep a log recording how often calls to the child's teacher, college administrator, and/or employer regarding the child are made. Trust them if these authority figures provide assurance that the child is taking care of him/herself well at school/work.
- Ask close friends or relatives for their opinions about the parent's parenting style; do not become defensive if they believe it is helicopter parenting. Instead, do a self-evaluation to determine if they are correct.
- Observe how quickly and often children were enrolled into special programs to enhance their innate qualities (beauty, intelligence, personality, talent, etc). Determine whether this is due to an over confidence in the children's abilities.
- For truly gifted children, make sure to always ask for their permission first before enrolling them into special programs.
- Also examine whether the parent has set up proper social boundaries and rules for the child to respect both within and outside the home.
- The parent should evaluate how well he/she disciplines children for their indiscretions by observing whether they learn not to do it again. If the parent's discipline is ineffective learn the most effective ways of doing it; without proper discipline children will never learn from their mistakes in life. Actions without consequences cause children to blame others instead of themselves for their mistakes.
Lack of proper discipline and guidance will also leave children unprepared for the real world, where things will not always happen in their favor and where they will face real consequences for their actions without having anyone there to help them. Therefore it is very important for parents to learn to discipline their children, thereby teaching them humility and respect for authority.
It Takes Time and Effort to Avoid Becoming a Helicopter Parent
Helicopter parenting is viewed today as an overstepping of the limits to how much a person can parent his/her child throughout life. Many parents have started searching for clues to determine whether they have been unintentionally engaging in it. As with other forms of parenting, sometimes it is difficult to realize when one has become a helicopter parent.
There are some basic ways for parents to quit over parenting. Since each parent is unique in how he/she interacts with the child, it is up to them to evaluate each and every interaction to determine whether they have overstepped parental boundaries.
It will take parents a considerable amount of time and effort to overcome this parenting style. Sometimes a parent may fall back to old habits, but the key is to realize he/she has done so and return towards trying to form a healthier parent-child relationship.
Rahela Choudhury - Hello, I have always had a love for writing about various topics of interest. For my undergraduate studies, I attended Hunter College ...
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